Improving an IELTS GT Letter

1. Although the task has been completed, it is wordy (too long). It is 211 words. This will not help because it means there is a lack of focus and irrelevant detail. Task 1 is only worth 33% of your marks. Keep your letter within 170 and 190 words – then move on to task 2.
2. Opening line. For a formal letter, the opening line should be the purpose of the letter. This letter isn’t to inform someone, it is to complain or to express dissatisfaction. Remember, you have paid for something that you haven’t received – you are not happy about this.
3. Furthermore, your opening line should only contain the main aim, not the details. The letter above puts detail in the opening line that should be in the first body paragraph.
4. Organisation is a serious problem. There are three prompts and each prompt forms one body paragraph. You need to organise your information into these body paragraphs.
   1. BP1 – the purchase order. Give all details. In the letter above, two sentences of BP2 contained this information. So, the order of the detail was scattered and not organised into one single body paragraph.
   2. BP2 – why the book is important to you. This letter only contains two limited sentences about this.
   3. BP3 – what you want done. This should be written concisely. You want your book immediately or your money back. These are the main options. Of course, you need to word this more politely, but also word it firmly. The letter above was too lengthy and not concise enough in this aspect.
5. Signing off. In the letter, this was incorrect. If you start with “Dear Sir”, you end with “Yours faithfully. If you start with “Dear Mr Jones”, you end with “Yours sincerely”.

Those are the main issues with this letter.There are minor language issues in the letter which do not concern me. Your English does not need to be perfect for a high score. The main problems are:

• weak opening line
• lack of organised information
• not enough detail in the right place and too much detail in the wrong place
• incorrect signing off

Dear Sir,

I am writing this letter to complain about my order of a book from your company on 1^st April which has not arrived.

My order number is AZ435636 and it was for a book entitled “General Studies Manual” by Manohar Sharma. It was the one which came with a CD and was priced at £15.99. The delivery was guaranteed to be only two days but so far I have waited nearly 2 weeks without receiving anything.

This book is essential to my studies in preparing for my IAS exam, which is only 1 week away. It is the only book that explains some of the key aspects of the exam and without it I will struggle to get the grades I need for my future goals.

If your company is unable to deliver the book within the next two days, I would like a full refund including the delivery costs.

I hope to hear from you on receipt of this letter as this situation must be urgently resolved.

Yours faithfully,
Sam Smith

(Words: 173)

Note:

1. Title – IELTS will tell you what title to use in their instructions.
2. Clear concise opening line.
3. BP1 – lots of detail about the order
   1. Date of order
   2. Name of book
   3. Order number
   4. Delivery date given
   5. How long I have already waited
4. BP2 – why the book is important – Make your case
   1. why that book was chosen
   2. why it is special
   3. what happens if you don’t get it
5. BP3 – what you want to happen – be direct
   1. How long you are prepared to wait for it
   2. What you want to happen if this is not possible
   3. Remember, you have paid for something you didn’t get – keep the right tone for a complaint letter. You do not need to be submissive in requesting that you receive what you have paid for – you need to be direct and state clearly what you want to happen. You are in the right and they are in the wrong.
6. Sign off appropriately. You do not need to use a title when you sign off, but you must use your full name.
7. You do not need to write the word count. I have done this to show you the length. In the computer delivered IELTS test, the word count will be shown on the screen.